From: RCMP HateMailer <rcmp@dev.null>
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1998 00:08:45 -0700 (PDT)
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: Official RCMP HateMailer Launched
Message-ID: <199804100709.BAA29309@harrier.sasknet.sk.ca>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain


[Bienfait Nutly News]Dangerous Armed Thugs sitting in parked cars hiding
in the alley behind the CoalDust Saloon, waiting to tax the citizens
under the obscenely low breath-alcohol laws in place, celebrated the
launching of the 'Official RCMP HateMailer' after the sudden and 
mysterious disasppearance of the 'Official RCMP Hate Page' at a
Sympatico website.
The unusually high number of vehicles and officers hanging around the
small Saskatchewan town was attributed to a 24-hour watch on the
former host of the vanished webpage, in the hope of catching him
walking on the left side of the sidewalk and arresting him under
authority of a law which applied only to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan,
when it was in force, and was recinded years ago.
"We weren't notified of the recinding of the law." one of the waiting
constables stated, smiling like a banshee.

RCMP officers around the country were angered by what they regarded as
trickery and betrayal by a scoundrel who had professed support for
the concept of a website where officers could freely express their
true thoughts, beliefs and feelings, under cover of their webpage
being hosted by a known lunatic and forger, thus providing them with
deniability in the event of great public outcry.
An anonymous constable (whose home phone number is (306)388-2561) told
a local reportwhore, as he had him standing on one foot, singing 'God
Save The Queen' and skinning a live cat, blindfolded, "The average 
citizen expects us to harass the riff-raff, the poor, and the people
we stole the land from, in order to keep them in their proper place,
but the minute we try to give one another postive public support for
our personal and group successes, all we get is a ration of shit."
His partner, going through the blindfolded reportwhore's truck seat
and pocketing the change, added, "You spend years doing the boring
grunt work of oppressing the low-life, and suddenly, you get a chance
to achieve one of the premiere experiences of your professional career.
You get to whack out a WagonBurner.
"But just try *bragging* about it." he continued, shaking his head sadly
about the hypocritical criticism of the citizens who cry out to be
protected from those with less money or social standing than themselves,
and then turn around and cry 'shame' when those hired to do the job
ask for their efforts to be appreciated.

Mounties everywhere were outraged when the website was suddenly 
Yanked out of Canuck CyberSpace by an unknown entity.
Speculation among the RCMP rank and file was that the website host
had wiped out the website pages himself, and then concocted a wild
conspiracy theory involving police abuse of power and the violation
of free speech and the Canadian Charter of Rights.
"That fucking asshole son-of-a-bitch is well known for taking facts
which can be explained quite simply and using them to build some
bizarre, inane story that reflects badly on those in positios of
authority.
"There was no huge, dark conspiracy to seize his computer and files.
The Customs officer at Regway is thinking of buying a laptop, and
he simply confiscated the man's computer so that he could try one
out for a while before making a decision. The RCMP officers who
drove down from Regina to break into his house were just making
sure that the place was secure during his absence. They thought
they should take his nephew's computer in order to find out if
he had any illegally acquired Warez files, so that we could
imprison the child and save him from a life of crime.
"Conspiracy, my ass...it was just two separate instances of
ordinary, everyday abuse of the citizens that he has magnified
into some deep, dark plot in order to feed his paranoid fantasies."

The general consensus among the drunken, licentious crowd 
gathered around the Video Lottery machines in the pub was 
that the man in question was "pretty much toast," since the
Mounties 'always get their man,' as a result of many of them
coming from small farming communities and having a great
deal of experience in 'planting.'
Some of average, small town alcoholics were of the opinion that
the Official RCMP Hate Page was rather self-serving and vastly
overblown, anyway.
"That little glue-sniffer that the Mountie whacked out while
he was clinging to his momma's skirt was pretty skinny...I
doubt that he was worth more than fifty points, max."

As I was leaving, the blindfolded reportwhore threw up on
the shoes of the officer giving him the drunk-test, and
those waiting in line to be humiliated and abused gave him
an average of 9.6 for style, 9.8 for presentation, and a
perfect 10 for artistic merit, since he had eaten an 
all-dressed pizza for dinner.