From: rah@shipwright.com (Robert Hettinga)
Date: Sat, 3 Feb 1996 09:41:50 +0800
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: Re: Futplex makes the news!
Message-ID: <v02120d04ad38431da99a@[199.0.65.105]>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain


At 6:34 PM 2/2/96, Timothy C. May wrote:
>(Did I hear correctly that Futplex has "volunteered" to perform 500 hours
>of community service at the Simon Wiesenthal Center's Boston office? And
>that he has volunteered to attend 50 hours of sensitivity training? Or am
>thinking of Cornell?)

Ah.

I think what Tim's referring to is the brand new Reeducation Campz, Inc.
(RCI), "NewCommonwealth" facility currently taking on new "HappyCampers" in
Cambridge just up Brattle Street from Harvard Square.  I hear it's a
complete appropriate-behavior Skinnerian-behavior-modification
aversion-therapy facility complete with electroshock contour couches in
front of surplus Digital Equipment Corporation MicroVaxen, all running a
special version of CuttyBrowser, specially developed in COBOL for the
MicroVaxen by Mitre and Micotronx. When the wrong URLs are selected (EF*,
Cyph*, crypt*, White_W*, and "Black Rhino", to name a few grep strings),
the camper is randomly electrocuted at senstitive subcutaneous nerve
endings or gassed with nauseous sulpher fumes.

This technology, along with direct neural stimulation of pleasure centers
when Significant Figures of National Authority (SFNA) (including the First
Lady, the FBI Director, and the Attorney General), are randomly flashed,
although slowly, on the MicroVax's screen has proven very powerful in
creating extremely motivated and happy citizens of the Commonwealth.

An interesting side effect is that the process creates sexual arousal when
the HappyCampers see the company logo of the computer outside of the Camp
setting, which is apparently why the machines in this particular facility
were donated by Digital under a "Help the Commonwealth Grow" program,
reserved for Massachusetts computer companies. Digital is hoping that this
will help stanche the decline in sales they've been suffering the last few
years, or at least help get rid of a "very large" production run of
MicroVax computers they've been writing off for the last eight years.

RCI, a "hybrid" for-profit corporation owned by government/non-profit
organizations, is a partnership between the NSA, both NEAs, NOW, NARAL, The
Moral Majority, Oral Roberts University, The 700 Club, and, of course,
UMASS in cooperation with the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard.
After the camp, the HappyCamper is charged $37,000 in tuition for the
12-day 19-hour-a-day experience, is also required to pay for the computer
(because the campers tend to become emotionally distraught when separated
from the machines, and because nobody can be hired to clean the machines
either), and, is required to recruit 4 other campers.

Oddly enough, this last requirement has become something of a problem,
because graduates of the Camp are usually overzealous in their recruitment
efforts, dragging relatives, farm animals, and, in several cases,
inebriated homeless residents of Harvard Square to the Camp and leaving
them in unconscious piles at the Camp door. This is causing problems with
neighbors in the Brattle Street area, including John Kenneth Galbraith and
Governor William Weld, who are not now very happy campers at all. The Camp
is now required to give the neighborhood association 24 hour advanced
notice of every graduation, so that gardeners and domestic help can be
locked safely indoors.


Anyway, have fun, Futplex!  Remember that I've moved, and don't forget your
Kleenex when you go...

Better yet, stay in Ithaca.


Cheers,
Bob Hettinga

Ithaca? That's Cornell, right? Hmmmm... How about moving to New Haven, instead?

-----------------
Robert Hettinga (rah@shipwright.com)
e$, 44 Farquhar Street, Boston, MA 02131 USA
"Reality is not optional." --Thomas Sowell
The NEW(!) e$ Home Page: http://thumper.vmeng.com/pub/rah/