From: nobody@replay.com (Anonymous)
Date: Tue, 29 Oct 1996 13:19:21 -0800 (PST)
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: Montgolfiering, the Hot Air Balloon of Cryptography
Message-ID: <199610292117.WAA10630@basement.replay.com>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain





Fie on the small minds that cackle at my brilliance! As a Mensa member and
founder of the Society for Superintelligent Former NSA Employees, I chortle
at the baseness of callow criticisms by those doubters and dilletantous
denigrators of virtual one-time pads and PRNGs (perfect random number
generators).

Montgolfiering. What is it, you ask? It is demonstrably a new paradigm in
the evolution of homo sapiens (Parry Messger excepted) toward Shannon's
dream of a one-time pad needing only a single, easily memorizable number as
a seed. I have heard only silence when I challenged the so-called
superbrains of this latargial list to try to determine which number I am
using as the seed of my system. If you are such great smarty pants, far
smarter than my colleagues at the NSA and at Mauchly-Wood, why can you not
then determine this number? Could it be because I have outsmarted you?
Could it be because I understand the Sufi secrets of picking random numbers
truly randomly? I submit this to you: 8  31  26  3  19. Now, oh great ones,
tell me, what is the next number in this sequence?

Ha, you cannot predict this next number, can you, oh gibbering greatnesses?
Ths proves that my perfect random number genarator (PRNG, for those of you
too stupid to remember) cannot be broken. Q.E.D.

I question the issue of Parry Messger's objectivity in assessing the
brilliance of my importations and acidulous assertations. I question
whether Parry may have a peculiarly pecuniary interest in these affairs?
Does Parry have an insider, or other position, or interest in one or more
of the RSA interest? If, this explains his fantastical faith in the core of
this so-called "RSA" system, which I proved to my colleagues at NSA could
not possibly be valid. Why, you ask? Because it contains no virtual seed,
and that which has no seed cannot grow. Q.E.D.--it has been debunked.

Entropy, you quibble? Ha! What is entropy but thermodynamics? And what is
the topic of thermodynamics, you small-minded ensemble (Gibbs) people who
never worked for the NSA may ask? Thermodynamics is about hot air. Hot air
is in balloons. Balloons were pioneered by the Montgolfiers. Thus we come
full circle (can you understand this, you mental midgets?).  Q.E.D.--it has
been demystified.

Montgolfiering = a new virtual one time pad based on hot air. Eureka! I
have found it.

P Information = P * log_base_infinity P

As my colleague Dr. Bronner told me on my last balloon trip to his
institute in Escondido, "NATURAL! NATURAL! NATURAL! YOU AND THE PLANET -
CLEAN AND HEALTHY! PURE AND NATURAL CRYPTO COMES FROM WITHIN THE AGENCY."

I pity your eupatrid minds for not accepting the wisdom of the Virtual
Montgolfiering System (which I have dubbed "VMS"). I guess unintelligent
creatures such as petty selves are too much like Parry Messger! Your
mendacious misrepresentations of my brilliance are wounding me deeply--NOT!

Only Dr. Bronner and Dr. Vulis seem capable of understanding the immmense
mental breakthrough my IQ measured at 207 has provided the world.

I laugh at your sanctimonious snivelings, your bombastic bombardings, and
your fatuous flatulations.

Remember, they laughed at Galileo. They laughed at Bozo. They laughed at
Von Daniken. They laughed at Ludwig Plutonium! All of those who leaped at
the opportunity to take me apart before are now displaying contemptuous
intellectual pap, that is pap not the other similar word though that also
applies. Their misleading inculcations did not work so what are they trying
now. 

Montgolfiering into the hot air, I am,

--KVFP, Esquire, KOTM

(Montgolfiering. Q.E.D.--"it has been deflated")


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