From: Sven <sven@loop.com>
Date: Wed, 27 Nov 1996 15:06:46 -0800 (PST)
To: rshvern@gmu.edu
Subject: God described
Message-ID: <2.2.32.19961127223906.00a55e78@pop.loop.com>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain


>
>                        MATHEMATICAL MODEL OF GOD AND JESUS
>
>Sexual Sin and Christians
>
>   19940404
>
>   Charles Magee (Not available via Internet),
>   See also:
>     * Classification of Religions
>     * Life After Death
>
>This article's surreality index is 'U' (unreal).
>
>To solve the question of if sex is a sin in Christianity, the following
>model has been constructed.  In this model God is a point mass, centered
>at the origin of our XYZ space.  Christ, we assume, is at the right hand
>of God, about 100 centimeters away.  His mass is probably around 75
>kilograms.
>
>Since God has a very large mass (a bit less than infinity), Christ, who
>we assume is in a circular orbit around God, has a very large momentum,
>and hence has a very small wavelength.  This means that Christ's
>uncertainty is quite small, so we can therefore conclude that he is
>fairly certain in all that he does.
>
>Now let us consider a sinner.  We shall place him at a large distance from
>God, say one inch and 45 million light-years.  He, being at a constant
>distance from God and thus in a circular orbit, and having approximately
>the same mass as Christ, will be travelling significantly slower than
>Christ, and will therefore be more uncertain.  One should also consider,
>however, that since Christ's orbit could fit in a kiddie pool, while the
>sinner's would encompass not only our galaxy, but a few of the nearby ones
>as well, that the sinner gets around more, sees more, and is generally a
>more knowledgeable guy than the Savior.  This fits in with traditional
>wisdom.
>
>Mary, the Mother of Jesus, being a fairly pure person, is close to God.
>This means that she must be a fast woman.  From this situation we can draw
>the conclusion that sinners have a lot more potential than saints, since
>less of their energy is stored as kinetic energy.  Further insights can be
>gained when we look at the situation of the heathen.
>
>A heathen is someone who, in general, is not affected by God.  This means
>that they are at least an infinite distance from him.  Now, assuming that
>one of these folk starts, by random causes, to travel towards God, he will
>convert his potential energy to kinetic energy during the approach, or
>descent.  Since he started out an infinite distance away, but with some
>kinetic energy of his own, he will approach God on a hyperbolic trajectory
>and then disappear into space again, never to be seen again.  If his
>approach is such that it brings him inside the orbit of The Son of God,
>then right after his closest approach, the heathen's velocity will be
>greater than Jesus', which means that he will be more sure of himself in
>his escape than Christ who is in orbit.  This is an interesting notion,
>but some of the side ramifications are even more intriguing.
>
>Without any orbiters, therefore, God would not be able to attract anyone;
>all approaching bodies would have either parabolic or hyperbolic
>trajectories.  However, once God has an orbiter, the two of them could
>collaborate to capture other bodies.  This means that heathens that get
>too close to believers in their approaches might get trapped, and by the
>same token, believers who are buzzed by heathens could be ejected.
>
>And what, the reader asks at this point, does any of this have to do with
>sex?  Well, the answer is this:  Sex, as we all know, is the union of two
>or more people.  This, in our analogy, would be represented as a collision.
>Now, in Christianity, almost all of the holy figures are male.  For God, a
>collision between any of these close in folk would be disastrous, because,
>even if we assume they are indestructible, such a high energy collision
>would either:
>
>          A) Eject one of the men out of orbit (becoming a heathen)
>          B) Cause one of them to fall into God (to die)
>          C) Give them highly irregular elliptical orbits (becoming a
>             doubter)
>
>All of these would be bad for God, because in the first two he would lose
>orbiters, making His chance at capturing new ones less, and in the third
>case He would have a much greater chance of more collisions, as the
>elliptical orbiters would cross many of the unaffected circular orbits.
>Therefore, God probably disapproves of these collisions.

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