From: nobody@REPLAY.COM (Anonymous)
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 1997 08:16:46 +0800
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: Microsoft TV announces new TV Dinner product
Message-ID: <199708212358.BAA17871@basement.replay.com>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain



INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT
   :
   :  You must first remove the plastic cover.  By doing so you agree to
   :  accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners.  You may not
   :  give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an
   :  infringement of Microsoft's rights).  You may, however, let others
   :  smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how
   :  good it is.
   :
   :  If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
   :  Set the oven using these keystrokes:   
<\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat//
   :  Then enter: <ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
   :
   :  If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The
oven
   :  will set itself and cook the dinner.
   :
   :  If you have a UNIX oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients   
of
   :  the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner,
   :  and the desired level of cooking and press start.  The oven will
   :  calculate the time and heat and cook the diner exactly to your
   :  specification.
   :
   :  Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your
   :  oven must be restarted.  This is a simple procedure.  Remove the
   :  dinner from the oven and enter
   :  <ms.nodarn.good/tryagain\again/again.rats!.
   :  This process may have to
   :  be repeated.  Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold
   :  reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.
   :
   :  Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big,   
larger
   :  than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of
   :  which are empty.  These are for future menu items.  If the tray is
   :  too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your
   :  equipment.
   :
   :  Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the
   :  chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another
variety,
   :  call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don't
want
   :  another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.
   :
   :  Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller
versions   
of
   :  their chicken dinners.  Future releases will only be in the larger
   :  family size.  Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but
must
   :  be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.
   :
   :  Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However,
   :  that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get
   :  thrilled in advance.
   :
   :  Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
   :  freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost.  This is a feature,
   :  not a bug.  Your freezer probably should have been defrosted   
anyway.