From: Kent Crispin <kent@songbird.com>
Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997 18:28:24 +0800
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: InfoWar 7 (Part III of 'The True Story of the InterNet')
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Title: The True Story of the Internet Part II









The True Story of the InterNet

Part III


InfoWar

Final Frontier of the Digital Revolution

Behind the ElectroMagnetic
Curtain


by TruthMonger <tm@dev.null>




Copyright 1997 Pearl Publishing



InfoWar Table of Contents

Crispin's Revenge 



Crispin's Revenge


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Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997 02:54:41 -0600
From: Kent Crispin <kent@songbird.com>
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: Kicking Crypto Ass (Was: Kicking CypherPunk Ass)
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::
Anon-To: president@whitehouse.gov

You should go arrest all the Cypherpunks.

They are always saying "Nuke DC", but if that was a
crime we'd probably all be in jail, eh? Even us Canadians.

But they are a crypto-military organization, and some of them
have guns, which would make them a paraplegic-crypto-military
organization.
(At least, ? the Platypus would be.) 

And they make fun of Chelsea, too.
So you maybe ought to slap them around a little, too, after you
arrest them.

I'm a Cypherpunk, too, but I am a Canadian, so I'm better than
them because I still live in a free country and I can export strong
crypto every day, even the stuff made in the US, if I want, and
they can't.

You guys are going to make the US Cypherpunks criminals some time
soon anyway, when you hunt down and kill the rest of the Constitution.
If you arrested the Cypherpunks now, then they couldn't help people
to think and say whatever they wanted to and hide their using
the Constitution where you couldn't get at it.

I think its funny that you put a guy named Freeh in charge of
making sure that nobody was. You must have a good sense of humor,
eh? Me, too.
I tell the US Cypherpunks that "packing a suitcase"
is a misdemeanor and that "packing a concealed suitcase"
is a felony.

That reminds me...when you arrest them, could you let them keep
their computers in jail, so they can still post to their mailing
list? I like to read their stuff, because they are smart and funny,
but I want to be the Chief CypherPunks Spokesperson, and I figure
I have a better chance if all the US guys are in jail, because
it wouldn't be good for the Cypherpunks image if they had a guy
in jail talking for them.

Hey, do you know what happened to Jim Bell? Just wondering. He
made a stink so he didn't have any rights, eh? 

Anyway, I am going to send this by some anonymous remailers and
other routes. It's not because I think if you got mad at me for
being a Cypherpunk, even if I am a Canadian one, that you would
invade Canada and come get me. I don't know anything about your
drug dealing, like Noriega did about Bush (just what I read on
the InterNet. is that why you don't want anyone in the world to
be able to say what they want?).
It's not like you ever sold _me_ anything, eh?

Anyway, since you got a good sense of humor ("Those people
in Waco should have known the odds were against them in 'Reno.'")
I'll tell you a funny joke you could play on the Cypherpunks before
you arrest them. 

A crazy guy is writing a book about them and the double-secret
guys in your single-secret laboratories who belong to the Circle
of Eunuchs and anyone who wants to can put a chapter in. You just
send it to the Cypherpunks mailing list and someone puts it in
the electronic book. (It's called "InfoWar.")

Anyway, since they are making fun of you guys in DC, then you
could send in a chapter and make fun of them, too. You could even
be tricky and copyright it as "Anonymous <president@whitehouse.com>"
if you wanted. That would be double-funny because then they would
think it was the crazy guy trying to trick them (because he's
a forager) and it would really be you tricking them by not tricking
them, see?

You could get even with them for making fun of Chelsea by writing
a chapter where she goes to their Bay Area physical meeting and
kicks all their butts. L.F. Freeh could even send in a chapter
about arresting the old grouchy one on the 19th, and then really
do it because of his sign. 
Bubba Rom Dos was always getting in trouble for his signs, too.
He's a guy in the "True Story of the InterNet." 

Anyway, I got to go send this through the remailers. (I am a master
of deviation.) You should see if you can guess who it is, OK?
And if you do, say so on the Cypherpunks mailing list, and I'll
tell you if you get it right, OK?
All the people on the list will know, but don't ask them, OK?
That would be cheating. (I'm not trying to imply anything, or
nothing.) 

Oh, and tell L.F. Freeh that I coined a word because of him. It
was a typo about him talking to Congress or somebody and I typed
in the word "tesiLied." It was pretty funny, so I just
left it like that. 

TruthMonger 
"It's not FUD until _I_ say it's FUD!"

Copyright "Anonymous <kent@songbird.com>"




"The Xenix Chainsaw Massacre"

"WebWorld & the Mythical Circle of Eunuchs"

"InfoWar (Part III of 'The True Story of the InterNet')