From: ViaCrypt FiringBot <vf@dev.null>
Date: Mon, 6 Oct 1997 04:10:07 +0800
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: ViaCrypt Fires Tim C. May
Message-ID: <3437F185.24C3@dev.null>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain



From: ViaCrypt FiringBot
To: Tim C. May

Dear Ms. May,
  We regret to inform you that your employment with ViaCrypt has been
terminated, effectively immediately.
  In accordance with company policy we will outline the reasons for your
termination below.

1. Records from your company supplied E-ZPass electronic toll booth
  pass indicate that you are arriving in the city over an hour before
  you begin work, leading us to believe that you are engaged in personal
  activities during this time which take away from the energy you have
  left to put into your company work.

2. The OnStar satellite-positioning service reports that your company
  supplied Cadillac was parked at the restaurant where you ate with your
  company supplied Visa card for an hour and ten minutes. Employees are
  only allowed one hour for lunch breaks.

3. The Teletrac global-positioning satellite has reported that you 
  exceeded the speed limit twice in one day (32 mph in a 30 mph zone,
  and 56 mph in a 55 mph zone).

4. The passive tracking microchip on your company supplied ID card was
  tracked by our remote sensors in six parts of the city which we prefer
  that our employees not enter.

5. Your company supplied cellular phone was used to call someone not in
  our business database who used his MasterCard to buy condoms at a
  local pharmacy during a weekend when his wife used her Visa to take
  a trip out of town. This reflects badly on the company.

6. The company aerial drone reports that in several passes over your
  home, the presence of marihuana smoke was detected.

7. Surveillance of your company email indicates that you have been
  using company resources to include private messages such as "Have
  a nice day." in business email sent on company time.

8. Reports sent in to the company by the automatic modem software on
  your company supplied laptop indicate that you have visited websites
  which are not approved by CyberSitter, such as the City of SEXton
  community website.

9. Video surveillance of the Men's Restroom indicates that you have been
  wasting company resources by using more toilet paper than necessary,
  in relation to the amount of human waste monitored during your visits.
  Also, you twice failed to put the toilet seat down, as required by
  our company policy of sexual sensitivity.

10. Our monitoring of your user access to the company computer system
   shows that you accessed areas of the system which were not found to
   be in accordance with your security level.

  Our records indicate that ViaCrypt owes you $15,000,000.00 for your
1 day(s) of employment. This has been deposited in your Bank Account
in Antigua, according to your wishes.

Sincerely, (as sincere as a machine can be, that is)
ViaCrypt FiringBot