From: TruthMonger <tm@dev.null>
Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 19:38:05 +0800
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: Chicken!
Message-ID: <347D07D2.4C40@dev.null>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain



>>>WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
>>>
>>>
>>>     From the Human Resources/Training Perspective:
>>>     The chicken had a vision. The chicken was proficient in the core
>>>     competencies necessary to implement the plan and make the vision
>>>     reality.
>>>
>>>     Pat Buchanan:
>>>     To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
>>>
>>>     Machiavelli:
>>>     The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The
>>>     ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
>>>
>>>     Thomas de Torquemada:
>>>     Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
>>>
>>>     Timothy Leary:
>>>     Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let
>>>     it take.
>>>
>>>     Carl Jung:
>>>     The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
>>>     individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and,
>>>     therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
>>>
>>>     John Locke:
>>>     Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
>>>
>>>     Albert Camus:
>>>     It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to
>>>     him.
>>>
>>>     Fox Mulder:
>>>     It was a government conspiracy.
>>>
>>>     Darwin:
>>>     Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
>>>     in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross
>>>     roads.
>>>
>>>     Darwin #2:
>>>     It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
>>>
>>>     Richard M. Nixon:
>>>     The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not
>>>     cross the road.
>>>
>>>     Oliver Stone:
>>>     The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is
>>>     rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we
>>>     overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
>>>
>>>     Jerry Seinfeld:
>>>     Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever
>>>     think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around
>>>     all over the place anyway?"
>>>
>>>     The Pope:
>>>     That is only for God to know.
>>>
>>>     Louis Farrakhan:
>>>     The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken
>>>     crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
>>>
>>>     Martin Luther King, Jr.:
>>>     I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
>>>     without having their motives called into question.
>>>
>>>     Immanuel Kant:
>>>     The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of
>>>     his own free will.
>>>
>>>     Grandpa:
>>>     In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
>>>     told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good
>>>     enough for us.
>>>
>>>     Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective):
>>>     I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my
>>>     bathroom.
>>>
>>>     Bill Gates:
>>>     I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross
>>>     roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it
>>>     gets 1.4999999999.
>>>
>>>     M.C.Escher:
>>>     That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the
>>>time.
>>>
>>>     George Orwell:
>>>     Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was
>>>     crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only
>>>     serving their interests.
>>>
>>>     Plato:
>>>     For the greater good.
>>>
>>>     Aristotle:
>>>     To actualize its potential.
>>>
>>>     Karl Marx:
>>>     It was a historical inevitability.
>>>
>>>     Nietzsche:
>>>     Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also
>>>     across you.
>>>
>>>     B.F. Skinner:
>>>     Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium
>>>     from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it
>>>     would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to
>>>     be of its own freewill.
>>>
>>>     Jean-Paul Sartre:
>>>     In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken
>>>     found it necessary to cross the road.
>>>
>>>     Albert Einstein:
>>>     Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
>>>     chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
>>>
>>>     Pyrrho the Skeptic:
>>>     What road?
>>>
>>>     The Sphinx:
>>>     You tell me.
>>>
>>>     Buddha:
>>>     If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
>>>
>>>     Emily Dickenson:
>>>     Because it could not stop for death.
>>>
>>>     Ralph Waldo Emerson:
>>>     It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
>>>
>>>     Ernest Hemingway:
>>>     To die. In the rain.
>>>
>>>     Saddam Hussein:
>>>     This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
>>>      justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
>>>
>>>     Saddam Hussein #2:
>>>     It is the Mother of all Chickens.
>>>
>>>     Joseph Stalin:
>>>     I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
>>>
>>>     Dr. Seuss:
>>>     Did the chicken cross the road?
>>>     Did he cross it with a toad?
>>>     Yes the chicken crossed the road,
>>>     but why it crossed it, I've not been told!
>>>
>>>     Colonel Sanders:
>>>     I missed one?