From: Canadian Nutly News <cnn@dev.null>
Date: Thu, 4 Dec 1997 03:03:42 +0800
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: Khristian Kult Killings
Message-ID: <3485A585.BFD@dev.null>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain



[CANADIAN NUTLY NEWS-Bienfait, Saskatchewan]AN ASSORTMENT OF POLITCAL
criminals from Washington, DC, held a press conference at the Coaldust
Saloon last night, with the main topic of discussion being the gangland
battles between rival Christian cults.
Bill Clinton expressed dismay over secret intelligence reports that
not only were the Christian gangs widely dispersed throughout the
school system, but that there was evidence of involvement by many
teachers and school administrators, as well.
  "Many of these cults have beliefs very similar to the Heaven's Gate
cult, with their members involved in preparing to participate in an
exiting of the physical plane in a similar manner, and the eventual
overthrow of democratic government in all countries, led by their
currently exiled guerilla leader."

Lying Jackoff Fuck Louis J. Freeh stated that more crimes are committed
in America by followers of the Christian cults than even the large 
number committed by people with Italian names.
"The problem is enormous." Freeh stated. "Many of the children are
committed to these gangs by their parents, almost from birth. It is
not surprising that the kids seldom manage to escape the grip of these
cults, even as adults."
Murdering Nazi Cunt Janet Reno stated that BATF agents had informed her
that Christian cult members throughout the U.S. were in possession of
more weapons than members of the paramilitary. "The real threat of
having weapons in these people's hands is that, like most paramilitary
members, they don't regard the Federal government as being the supreme
authority."

Anonymous sources at the scene of the recent cult slaughter at a high
school in Kentucky confirmed that several copies of a popular cult
manifesto were found in the homes of both the shooter and the dead
participants in the bizarre ritual. The manifesto, which is vastly
more subversive and violent than books such as "The Turner Diaries,"
is often referred to by cult members in oblique coded-language as 
simply, "The Book."
Bar maids and local drunks at the Coaldust Saloon denied the rumors
that the book, known as the Word of God to most cult followers, was
actually one of the early manuscripts of the author of 'The True
Story of the InterNet,' and that 'God' was nothing more than a thinly
veiled anagram for 'Dog', representing one of the author's many 
nefarious aliases. However, A Sorry Drunk To Be Named Later informed
gathered reportwhores that if Christian cult members around the world
sent their tithes, in cash, to PO Box 281, Bienfait, Saskatchewan,
that they would be assured a space on the spaceship approaching 
earth in the shadow of comet Khrist-Bop-Shoo-Bop.
(When pressed for details as to the time of arrival of the mythical
 space aliens worshipped by the cult, A Sorry Drunk To Be Named Later
 merely winked and said, "Let's just say that cult members will be
 swept up into another dimension on the same day as their computers.")

Canadian Nutly News sources confirmed earlier today that the shooter
in the ritual slaughter at the high school in Kentucky was wearing a
T-shirt with a radical cult slogan often used to whip cult members
into a violent frenzy, "He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood,
and His name is called The Word of Dog."

~sog~