From: Canadian Nutly News<cnn@dev.null>
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1998 14:24:10 -0700 (PDT)
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: Canadian CypherPunks SuckSeed From the Union!
Message-ID: <199804102124.PAA28116@harrier.sasknet.sk.ca>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain


[Canadian Nutly News-Bienfait, Saskatchewan]CANADIAN CYPHERPUNKS LIVING
in countries all around the world have seceded from the countries and
societies surrounding their MeatSpace bodies and have formed Cult of 
One Republics based on freedom, privacy and the Dog-given right to
piss on any source of heat that burns their ass...

Inspired by the Nuclear Suitcase Full Of Dirty Shorts technology that
was developed in a basement in Bienfait, Saskatchewan, by the Grand
Pooh-Bah of Mongeritaville and activated recently at a hidden location
near RCMP headquarters in nearby Estevan, the CypherPunks have been
enlisting in increasing numbers in Army of Dog Private Guard units
consisting solely of themselves.
Bill Stewart, a naturalized Canadian CypherPunk, told reportwhores,
while belching and patting his stomache, "I've got a powerful lot of
gas backed up, and I'm not afraid to use it."

Mercetan Mercantile, a Bienfait business buying bottles of bombmaking
ingredients from a wide variety of chemical companies and hog farms
around the world and reselling them to a specialized children's market,
reports that the children they deal with are getting increasingly older
as adults recognize the advantages of using revolutionary munitions
that will allow them to be tried as children for their crimes.

Members of the CypherPunks Disturbed Male List, famous for thier
childish pissing contests, have long been suspected of using those
pissing contests to distract attention from their development of
secret StinkyEggFart technology and parallel technologies designed
to raise a stink that can't be ignored.
CypherPunk Jim Bell, living in a part of Canada south of Seattle, was
instrumental in helping to promote the use of non-violent BadEgg
technology to escalate the trend of Tyrannical Dictatorships (TM)
toward violating the rights of its citizens to raise a stink and
subjecting them to outrageously cruel and unusual punishment, as well
as long periods of imprisonment for childish behavior.
TruthMongrel, barking over a Sympatico InterNet connection that was
raised from the dead by a Circle of Eunuchs member deep within the
filthy bowels of the Canadian ISP, said, "Jim Bell is just a pawn in 
the game plan of the Forces of Light. Canadian CypherPunks have long 
been aware that he is a schill being run by a handler named Blanc Weber 
who has a hidden agenda of promoting a peaceful revolution."
Attila T. Hun, hacking into TruthMongrel's Sympatico account, broke
into his transmission to add, "Even Toto has been coming under the
spell of Weber's goody-two-shoes virginal allure. He used to be a
*real* man and a serious threat to the continued physical existence
of Micro$not Mongul, Bad BillyC, and now he has turned into just
another WinLoser95 user begging at the feet of his Redmond Puppet
Masters, compromising his integrity by offering to only cut off three
of BadBillyG's fingers in return for help making Micro$not's software
work.
"Next thing you know, he'll be offering just to slap BadBillyC around
like a girl, in return for a free copy of WinLoser98."

Blanc Weber, when reached for comment, dismissed Attila's claims, and
grinningly told reportwhores, "That's ridiculous. Everyone in the
Micro$not Memorial Branch Davidian Compound in Redmond knows that
the MicroMaster likes to be *spanked*, not slapped."
She added, with a wink, "There are rumors that the DOJ anti-trust
action against Micro$not is just a business move by the MicroMaster
to make his million dollar spankings by Janet Reno tax deductible."

Tim C. May, a CypherPukes FartLoserForKing candidate, expressed
disgust with the CypherPunks division into two camps, one advocating
violent revolution and the other promoting biological development
of a mutant strain of vegetable known to insiders as 'The Slime
That Ate The Slime That Ate DC."
"Fuck this shit...I'm going to NUKE something!" he shouted, pausing
to add, "I just picked up a couple of items at the Dirty Shorts
Munitions Show&Tell in Las Vegas which will guarantee that Slick
Willy will never inhale again..."