From: TruthMonger <tm@dev.null>
Date: Tue, 31 Mar 1998 20:05:06 -0800 (PST)
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: CNN - DeathMonger
Message-ID: <3521D872.5B77@dev.null>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain


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Two Saskatchewan Freemen Assassinated

One of the Freemen holds a drink during the
81-second standoff on April 1, 1998

Assassination stemmed from Microsoft standoff?

Bienfait, SASK (AP) - TruthMonger I and TruthMonger II were
assassinated in an 81-second standoff with an unidentified
team of freelance assassins who accomplished their goal
without firing a single shot.
A few short minutes after the CoalDust Saloon opened for
business, a limousine bearing Redmond, Washington, license
plates pulled up outside the bar, and a half-dozen black-clad,
heavily armed figures raced into the building, behind the
cover of smoke and tear-gas grenades. They were met by a heavy
fusillade of gunfire from a variety of surprised morning drunks
who were onery as snot, not yet having finished their first beer of
the morning.

The assassins rushed into the bar and established strategic
positions, only to find that the two TruthMonger entities who
were the target of the raid already lay dead on the floor.
They quickly rushed out of the CoalDust Saloon and piled into
the limousine, which headed for the American border.

The day-shift barmaid who investigated the scene--in the absence
of local RCMP, who were busy on the reservation legally murdering
WagonBurners-noted that TruthMonger I and TruthMonger II had both
been shot in the head from behind.
Blanc Weber, a member of the Circle of Eunuchs who claimed to
have been "just passing through" Bienfait, at the time, and who
was reported to be standing behind the TwoMongers when the
shooting began, theorized that the fatal shots came from the
grassy knoll behind the bar.
When confronted by an angry crowd of drunken losers who pointed
out that Weber's anger over the TruthMonger Cult of One Clan
including references to her in their Death Threat!!!(s) against
an unnamed billionaire from Redmond, Washington, she bought a
round of drinks for the house, and the matter was quickly dropped.

Jeff Sandquist, a Microsoft employee who had earned his bones by
cleaning up the mess that Circle of Eunuchs founder, C.J. Parker
had made of the computer systems at the offices of a local mobile
home manufacturer, verified Blanc Weber's claims about the shots
coming from the grassy knoll, noting that three bums (Mark Hedges,
Robert Canizales, and a shadowy figure known only as Sameer) had
been picked up shortly after the incident by Estevan City Police,
and taken for a free breakfast at the Husky Truckstop.
Sandquist and Weber were picked up and spirited away by a strange
figure who refused to reveal his identity, but noted that it was
imperative for the group to leave quickly, because "at night, the
ice weasels come."

TruthMongerI.jpg

TruthMongerII.jpg

Local members of the Royal Canadian Mounted Gestapo later indicated
that their investigation into the matter revealed that local law
enforcement personnel in Redmond, Washington, could not find any
suspects in their files matching the description of a billionaire
in a limousine. A follow up inquiry by CNN reporters proved to be
unsuccessful, as all of the officers involved on both sides of the
border had retired by the end of the day.

At a wake held for the TwoMongers after a truckload of Olympia beer
unexpectedly arrived at the bar, the massive crowd that suddenly
appeared out of nowhere reminisced about their fallen drinking
buddies.

"It was probably an act of mercy, since they had been suffering
greatly since installing Win95 on their systems."
~Anonymous

"Ever since TM-I's cousin died of a mysterious heart-attack after
being put in a cage with the female guerillas, we knew it was
only a matter of time before Blanc Weber saw the light and
decided to become a Claire Wolfe in Sheeple's clothing."
~Nobody

"I *love* this bar..."
~A visitor from Boston


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