From: Linda Reed--PCC West Campus CSC <lreed@west.cscwc.pima.edu>
Date: Thu, 25 Jun 1998 15:27:50 -0700 (PDT)
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: BumBoy II - Space Aliens Hide My Drugs!!!
Message-ID: <009C83D6.824D3400.29@west.cscwc.pima.edu>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain


{ AnInterviewerToBeNamedLater, though sickened by the totally
  disgusting display of oral sodomy committed by the Author
  on the SingleInnocentChildDog, Baby, NunTheLess held her
  tight grip on the edges of her chair, keeping her knees
  together to thwart the depraved bastard from discovering
  whether or not she was wearing panties, and fulfilled her
  obligation to BUMBO to provide a completed interview in
  return for the drugs she had received as an advance}

BUMBO: How did you finally confirm your suspicions as to
Tim C. May being the only real subscriber to the CypherPunks
Classic Mailing List?
VAN DAMNNED: I reverse-engineered the Perl Beer script that
Ignoramous ChewedOff, that dickless prick, sent to the list,
explaining that it could be used to create forged posts from
allegedly real Net Personas.
Actually, I was trying to use the program to forge messages
to the list, but I was stinking fucking drunk, and the next
thing you know, EveryThing became EverClear.

BUMBO: ou have...uuhhh...*something* sticking to your 
upper lip...
VAN DAMNNED: Trade you a green one for a yellow one...

BUMBO: Quit trying to peek up my goddamn skirt!
VAN DAMNNED: Sorry, I can't help myself...
Anyway, although the results of the reverse-engineering of
Tim May's CommieSchill CypherPunks Consistent Net Persona,
Ignoramous, proved my previously perceived preponderance
of proof to be proven, it also revealed the presence of
a second gunman lurking in the gunsmoke from the seedless
grass behind the knoll on Mayonnaise mountain, even though
at first it didn't make any SenseToMeA.

BUMBO: JohnBob Hettinga-oung?
VAN DAMNNED: Exactly.
I had long suspected that Hettinga and oung were the same
person, due to their Consistent CypherPunks Net Personas
undergoing parallel degeneration into semi-coherent mad
ramblings similar to those experienced by TruthMonger when
I ran short of medications.
At first, I suspected they were two separate individuals
with the same drug connection, but when I made the final
connection between Hettinga-oung and Kent Crispin, it
became obvious that the 'Spooks' alleged to be operating
in the background of the CypherPunks Classic Mailing List
were actually only a single 'Spook', who, upon subversively
joining the CypherPunks list as an undocumentable persona
capable of sneaking in under Tim May's ever watchful, paranoid
eyes, fell prey to TCM's madness, developing a wide variety
of Consistent CypherPunks Net Spook Personas.

BUMBO: What gave rise to the CypherPunks Disturbed Male
List?
VAN DAMNNED: Previous to the Legendary CypherPunks Moderation/
Censorship Experiment/Crisis, little Timmy Mayonnaise's 
inability to reconcile his masculine and feminine sides resulted
in his few Female CypherPunks Consistent Net Personas being
incapable of balancing the strong male presence represented by
the majority of the CypherPunks personas he had created.
In order to prevent his extreme homophobia from destroying the
balance of the CypherTao, he was forced to personify it as
Dr. Dimitri Vulis, KOTM, publically accusing all of TCM's
other CypherPunks personas of being 'cocksuckers'. This enabled
the other personas, chiefly John Gilmore, to manifest the parts
of TCM's disturbed psyche that were warring against his feminine
side, threatening to prevent his continued residency in NewAge
California under the watchful eyes of Gloria Steinham clones.
Once little Timmy had reconciled his masculine side with his
feminine side, by listening to C.J. Parker's 'Song For Rose (I'll
Give ou My Heart But My Dick Belongs To Momma)', he felt more
comfortable wearing his Freudian Slip, and his CypherPunks
personas began to break up into sub-groups with lives of their
own.
His Jim Choate persona runs the Austin CypherPunks Node, with
the Einstein/Genius sub-personality peacefully coexisting with
the Feminine/Hysteria sub-personality that flipped out when Toto
violated Choate's identity by forging a post to the list in 
the WEBeastMaster's name.
His Commie Schill persona, Igor, runs the Algebra/Semantics
CypherPunks Node, with Igor's understanding of the similarities
between the strict logic of mathematics and the flowing music
of semantics making up for Tim's inability to understand the
connection between Comrade Lenin and John Lennon, or why the
sound of a Volkswagon engine was so hard to dance to.
Lance Cottrel's InfoNextStep CypherPunks Node secretly funded
by Steven BlowJobs, acts as a release valve for TCM's remaining
homophobic repressions, allowing him to justify his anal-
penetration fantasies by imagining that he is being victimized
by manly Nazis while trapped under the snowmobile that flipped
over while racing across the tundra, while still punishing
himself by the pain that results at night, when the ice-weasels
cum.
Joichi Ito (a play-on-words referring to Pearl Harbor
Computer's motto, "We Don't Eat [Ito] [Sushi] Dogs") as
the TCM sub-personality running the CypherNip Node, allows
TCM to indulge the S&M Bondage fantasies which are a 
prerequisite for buying land in NewAge California, while
telling himself that he's not *really* a fucking weirdo,
because he is only binding his feet.

BUMBO: And TCM's blatant redneck racism?
VAN DAMNNED: The Japanese CypherPunks Disturbed Male Node was
one of TCM's subconsious creations, designed to balance his
round-eyed, redneck imperialist side with the suppressed
slant-eyed gook in his California NewAge CosmicMakeUp.
Serious students of secular semantics soon saw that the
'Chop-chop' insults hurled by Tim May at his suppressed
errowMenace CyphelPunks Consistent Net Pelsonas were 
actually a pidgen-English variation on a red-white-and-blue/
stars-and-stripes Harley Davidson phrase, 'Chopper-Chopper'.

BUMBO: Uuhhh...it's getting a little deep. Is it medication
time again?
VAN DAMNNED: Think about it...
David Formosa, AKA ? the Platypus. It was an early sign of
the Chinc within struggling to get out, yet having to adopt
an Australian alias because TCM was not yet ready to face
butchering the English language without the excuse of being
drunk, or a victim of an imaginary disease named agraphia,
which was developed in a secret underground lavoratory by
Kent Crispin, who was desperately trying to keep Tim May
from consciously transposing his 'r's and 'l's, and realizing
that Pearl Harbor Computer's motto, "We don't eat dogs." was
not a reference to the disgusting dietary habits of Orientals,
but a veiled reference to the Reptilian Nazis who sated their
unnatural, carnal cuisenary desires by disguising themselves
as alligators crawling out of the Florida swamps to savagely
savour the sumptuous PuppyFlesh of TruthMongrel's distant
cousins, the FrenchConnection Poodles, whose heroin habits
were a survival mechanism designed to make them comfortably
numb as the Reptilian Nazis dined on their gonads, long
considered a delicacy by Space Aliens across the Universe,
turning them into Circle Of Eunuchs DoggieInitiates just
like Baby TruthMongrel, who was a Bitch trapped in a
Stud's body before being interrogated as a suspected member
of the Magic Circle by Gomez's Soviet dwarf, Hobbit uri
Kokoff? the Platypus, who was the inspiration for Tim May's
David 'The Australian Chinc' Formosa Consistent CypherPunks
Net Persona, completing the Magic Circle that began as a
defensive mechanism to thwart the Dark Forces that arise
every time that a Unix system is booted, releasing Daemons,
Zombies, Orphan Zombies, and the Dreaded Cron, enabling
students to face these imaginary creations of their drug-
addled minds with the comforting support of an equally
nonexistent creation by a mentally disturbed FrostBack
who bought into the drug-induced, Berzerkely Dungeons
and Dragons fantasies resulting from secret digital implants
into the brains of Bell Labs employees by Bill Gates in order
to promote his less versatile DOS Operating System as a safe
alternative to a Unix Operating System proliferating in the 
Bay Area, dangerously within reach of the Dark Forces in 
Oakland who were a threat to property values, in sharp contrast
to the safety of Redmond, Washington, where BadBillyG's secret
lover, Blanc Weber, kept the Dark Forces within the Author's
mind at bay, by resisting HisOrHer efforts to psychically 
peek up her skirt, to see if she was wearing panties.

BUMBO: If you're not going to take any medication, then
I *am*...
Baby! Come here...]