From: toto@fhouse.org
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1998 08:13:17 -0700 (PDT)
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: Deaf Cons 5.9
Message-ID: <TCPSMTP.18.8.13.9.27.54.2847582152.1143268@fhouse.org>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain

                          *** The Fire House Inn ***
                                 Come visit us
                               Telnet: fhouse.org
                                WWW:  fhouse.org
                                  *********** 

DeafCons 5.9



[WAS: Class of 1998 Home For The Criminally Insane Escapee Reunion]





[NEVER WAS: If this is the rEvolution, then why are T-shirt prices so high?]



[WILL BE: I QUIT!!!]





[WILL NEVER BE: If It Slays The Life Of A Single Ethnic Group of Children]



Return From Beyond The Valley Of The Planet Of The LAST CHAPTER

Of the LOST CHAPTER Of The BLAST CHAPTER Of The Non-Sequitor

Non-Sequential Inconsequential Boring Blase Blatherings Of:

SPACE ALIENS HIDE MY DRUGS!!!

SPACE DRUGS HIDE MY ALIENS!!!

SPACE HIDES DRUG MY ALIENS!!!

SPACE ALIENS DRUG MY HIDE!!!!

HIDE MY SPACE ALIENS DRUGS!!!

_____________________________



  Taoist Synchrinocity being what it is, the moment that I typed

in the Deaf Cons 5.9 chapter heading above, the TV-screen came alive

with the sight of a bunch of half-naked, half-drunk, wholly red-necked

guys named Bubba, BobbingForPigsFeet at the RedNeck Games, in ButtFuck,

Georgia. (Rumored to have been infiltrated, if not organized by, Circle



of Eunuchs initiate Alec McCrackin.)

  The sight of grown men (notice I refrained from using the word 'adults')

bending over head-first in large buckets of water, with their large

ButtCracks showing, with their heads suddenly emerging from the water

with a PigsFoot between their teeth, throwing it on the ground and once

again throwing their heads back into the water, again positioning their

exposed ButtCracks as their most prominent feature...

  Well, let's just say that the press coverage of the RedNeck/ButtCrack

Games was a striking confirmation of the TruthVision that came to me as

my 12-Volt AC/Bulb was lit up by the 110-Volt DC/AnalogueElectronJuice

being emitted from the CIA/Mafia Digital Implant of the PlasticBadge Security

Representative of the Plaza Hotel in Lost Wages, Nevada. MeatSpace Home

of Deaf Cons 6.0, an alleged HackersCrackersPhreaks&Geeks conference at

which no one seemed interested in acquiring a root password into the

RCMP computer system.



  The TruthVision (TM) started building when I realized that I was not,

as my original intention had been, attending the Class Of 1998 Home For

The Criminally Insane Escapee Reunion (although a lot of those attending

Deaf Cons 6.0 seemed to run with the same crowd...if you know what I mean), 

nor was I at the Young Republican's Convention, my second choice, at which

I hoped to be able to convert some of the more StraightArrow  YouthOfAmerica

into DegenerateBrainDamagedPsychoticShitDisturbers.

  The TruthVision began to Throb&Drip as I realized that the DigitalFreaks

and the EndangeredSharpHackledHackers were paying the same prices fo

DigitalrEvolutionary T-Shirts&Mugs as YoungRepublicans and LargeButtCrack

RedNecks do at their own gatherings.

  The TruthVision began to Pulsate&Squirt, beginning to run down myu leg

and into my shoes, as I my questions regarding the identities of various

individuals at the conference were met with pseudo-suspicious responses,

despite the fact that the RealSpooks (TM) attending the conference no

doubt were in possession of full computer print-outs on all of those wheo

were attending the conference, complete with color-glossies, nID #'s,

personal and credit histories, names of their dogs and their first and

current boy/girl/friend(s), etc., ad infinituum.



  The TruthVision (TM) ultimately BlewIt'sWad all over my formerly clean

JockeyShorts&LeeRiderJeans as I was being escorted out of the Plaza Hotel,

HomeOfThePennySlotMachines, by an overly-excited SecurityGuard who managed

to impress me with exceedingly serious nature of my 'crime' of having

announced the issuance of a Real&Immediate !!!BOMBTHREAT!!! against the

Plaza Hotel and the Deaf Cons 6.0 Conference, without ever managing to

explain why, if this was indeed the case, I was simply being escorted to

the door and removed from the building, instead of being charged, or held

for questioning, or somesuch, as the building was being evacuated fothe

safety of the hotel's clients and guests.

  The TruthVisionOrgasm was enhanced in a manner very similar to that

provided by the FrenchTicklers sold at TruckStops around the nation, by

the apparently inadvertant revelations of the PlasticBadgeSecurityGuard

in regard to the information shared with Plaza Hotel Security Personell

by ShadowyFiguresFromNonDescriptGovernmentAgencies about my presence at

Deaf Cons 6.0 and personal details of my SorrySordidPersonalHistory.





  In actual fact, the TruthVision Proper (TM) encompasses a lifelong

accumulation of Analogue/Digital Information/Data which coalesced as the

result of the LorenaBobbit of HotelSecurity cutting off my experience of

Deaf Cons 6.0 at the point when the DigitalCounter recording the event

stood at Deaf Cons 5.9, thus forcing myself to use my own imagination and

my F-Finger to FinishTheJob, like a RedNeckBride on her wedding night,

as Bubba gets his nut, rolls over, and goes to sleep.

  The TruthVisionCosmicOrgasm was the rough equivalent of reaching a point

of UltimateEnlightenment, although in a TimeSpaceContinuum inhabited by

Lenny Bruce, Andrew Dice Clay, Howard Stern and Johnny Wadd.



  For all of my CynicalBitching&Whining about the ReptilianNaziSchills

who have made it their life's work to BungHole the Citizenry at every

opportunity, my TruthVisionUltimateCosmicOrgasm was, in effect, the end

result of an endless parade of ReptilianNaziSchills who have crossed my

path in life, who were TrueBelievers in TheVoice which ensured them that, 

"If you ButtFuck them, they will Cum."