From: Anonymous <nobody@replay.com>
Date: Fri, 25 Sep 1998 16:41:14 +0800
To: cypherpunks@toad.com
Subject: No Subject
Message-ID: <199809252130.XAA24262@replay.com>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain



                       Flowers for Alger Anon
                                       - FPP#3

  The two youths ducked quickly behind a tree to avoid
being spotted by the senile old fart who had finally given up
on finding his shoes and climbed barefoot up the step-ladder
to begin drilling out the cannon muzzle on the War Surplus
Army Tank he had recently acquired.
  As he labored he mumbled grouchily to himself about
how he was going to "show that Commie Bastard, Igor", and all
of the other former residents of The Home(TM) what he thought
of their efforts to take over "his" CypherPunks Mailing List.

  "Distributed, my ass!" the old fart scowled as he
climbed down the ladder, then grinned madly as he patted the
stack of shells sitting next to the tank.
  "I'll distribute those bastards...They should'a
Checked The Archives", he said, pausing to scratch his head
and add, "TradeMark". Then continuing, "before they fucked
with me. Then they'da seen how I ChopChopped them Torah-
Torah Bastards when they tried to muscle in on my list."

  "It's 'mine'!" the grouchy, paranoid old fart shouted,
turning his head around quickly in all directions, as if
challenging, and half-expecting, Unseen Beings to dispute
his claim.

  The two youngsters ducked and tried not to giggle
as they ran down the hill, finally collapsing on the dirt
road near the bottom and venting their laughter.

  Tim C. May was the most hilarious of the Cypher
Punks they'd investigated so far, but 'all' of the CPUNX
were "more than suitable", as Carol Anne Cypherpunk had
declared while they were evaluating Jim Choate, "for slicing
and buttering, and placing on a tray of Christmas snacks."
  Blanc Weber had agreed heartily with the new
coconspirator (sometimes spelled with a hyphen), in their
'Quest to Question Anonymity', as the Army o' Dog-Bitch
Battallion Warrior Godesses, as they had proclaimed them-
selves, had Code Named their Chosen Mission From Dog.

  Carol Anne, choosing Androgyny over Anonymity,
changed her name to Carroll for The Mission, vowing to
balance the Tao by taking on any tasks requiring "male
energy", which, on a CypherPunks Mission From Dog(TM),
Carroll stated with a straight face, might include
"blowing Dimitri".
  The Girls(Maybe) split a gut laughing over Blanc's
reply that, being of a more peaceful nature than the 'Nuke
DC Clique', they might have to "blow" their way out of
dangerous situations by the use of Soft Targets rather
than with Heavy Weaponry.
  Then they decided to get serious, before they, too,
became candidates for The Home.


  Blanc Weber, a veteran Cypher Punk Cult of One
Neophyte(TM) had felt slighted when the Author, a relative
newcomer to the CPUNX list (at least under his 'TOTO' persona),
had chosen to initiate two male Cypher Punks, Back and
McCrackin, into his 3-Entity Circle of Eunuchs Gorilla Cell,
instead of including Blanc, who had established a fairly
close rapport with TOTO in their private email exchanges.
   Even more to Blanc's surprise, disappointment,
and suspicion, TOTO failed to respond even to her offer to
engage in joint Army of Dog Maneuvers with him across various
Electronic Boundaries of the InterNet.  She had begun to
suspect that TOTO's lack of response to her Digital Warrior
overtures were the result of something more sinister than
simple male chauvinism.
   Her suspicions were confirmed when she caught up
with TOTO, using his CJ Parker alias, at Defcon 6.0, as he

was Pontificating, under the guise of 'Chief Cypher Punks
Spokes Person', on the 'Anonymizer', for a guillible group
of young hackers.
   "It is run by a HedgeHog riding Lance's Coat Tails,
since Lance invented that thing that hangs on the back of
toilet bowls, and the Anonymizer is the Blue Thing that
hangs on the back of the hard drive.
   Blanc, stunned that TOTO, who claimed to be the
Author, was a Total Fucking Moron (TM), listened as he
continued .
   "The Anonymizer prevents Peeping TOMS from being
able to tell whose hairy dick is making a bad smell on the
carpet of the recipient's computer, after No Mail from
NoBody comes out of the Email Chutechute.
  Blanc realized that CJ Parker was also a Total
Fucking Lunatic(TM) as he glanced furtively around to
whisper a dire warning to the spellbound young hackers
hanging on his everyword.
  "And the Peeping Toms are everywhere.
  "As a matter of fact", he added glancing quickly
over both shoulders, "when you can't see them at all..."
he paused for effect, "...then you know that they're 'good'".
  "Real good", he added, turning to direct his
wild-eyed stare at Blanc, who had just finished going
through his knapsack while he was distracted.
  Blanc had hurried away, deeply disturbed by what
she had found in TOTO's bag.  It wasn't just stationery
from The Home--it was 'personalized' stationery from
The Home for the Criminally Insane.
  Blanc Weber's confusion and suspicions deepened
when her attempts to warn other CPUNKS about TOTO were
ignored by all except the few apparent females on the list,
such as Carol Anne Cypherpunk and World Renowned Bottle
Collector Lynn Harrison (who was long rumored to have
joined the male-dominated mailing list only as a forum
to trade her panties to young CPUNX in the throbbing
throes of puberty, in return for the Standard Issue Klien
Bottles, they received upon joining the Digital Anarchist
Union, Local 01, rumored to be headquartered in Bienfait,
Saskatchewan).
  When The Girls(Maybe) of the Bitch Battallion took
to the road to investigate the remaining CypherPunks, they
quickly discovered that 'all' of the verifiable Meat Space
Personalities they positively linked to the various
Cyperpunks Consistent Net Personas (TM) were, in fact,
certifiably Cuckoo Cock Suckers(TM) in MeatSpace Reality.
With the only readily apparent link between them being
their connection to the Home for the Criminally Insane.
  Some of the MeatSpace Personalities behind the
Digital Personas on the CPUNX Mailing List--Ian Goldberg,
Alec de Jeune, Ulf Moeller, Peter Trei and Jim Choate--were
Highly Social Sociopaths, capable of putting ona suit and
tie, if need be, and glad-handing business people and
purchasing agents (all the while slitting their sleeping
throats, in the Dark Corners of their mind).
  John Gilmore, Declan McCullagh, Robert Hettinga,
Vin McClellan, even Froomkin--all of the Mainstream
Dream/Actively Connected To Society/Cypherpunks MeatSpace
Verifiable Identities, without fail, shared the same
connection to The Home as id the Lithium Dream/Social
Outcast CPUNX Meatballs such as T.C. May, A.T. Hun,
Wm Geiger III, S. Sequencr, JYA, and the late Dale Thorn
(whose mysterious death was rumored to be the work of the
Shadowy Figures(TM) lurking behind the ctrl-alt-delete.com
website).
  Blanc and Carroll watched in total amazement as
Jim Choate's ludicrous/inane computer and business theories
seemed to be somehow transformed, by unseen hands working
behind the scenes, into fully functional and viable
RealWorld(TM) concepts, in Choate's work with the Armadillo
Group.  The Unseen Hands made The Girls(Maybe) very, very
nervous.
  What pushed the Army of Dog-Bitch Battalion
Warrior Godesses beyond nervousness, toward Paranoia & Fear,
was the fact that the MeatSpace Personalities behind the
Digital Personas of the CypherPunks inevitably appeared
to be verifiable outside of The Home 'only after the
CPUNKS PERSONA'S original appearance on the mailing list'.
  A Cloaked Anonymous Random Source(TM) that The
Girls(Maybe) knew only as Digital Throat, speaking to
Larynx in an UnderGround Reptilian Nazi Parking Garage
in DC (after having been fooled into believing she was
talking to Defcon McCullagh Chain Saw). told them,
"I was the head of the Personelle Department at Intel,
at the time Tim May claims to have been there.
  "Even though we couldn't spell the name of our
Department right, let alone the names of the employees,
I never forget a face, and Tim C. May definitely was
never employed at Intel.
  "As a matter of fact", Digital Throat revealed,
"when Intel's Legall Department sent Mr. May a letter
that warned him to Cease & Decist with his claims, he
showed up on our doorstep, barefoot, in a MailMan's Uniform,
with a Veritable ShitLoad(TM) of heavy weapons and arms,
and, after that, as far as most of us were concerned,
if Tim c. May said he was the goddam 'President' of
Intel, then he was the goddam President--end of story."
  Blanc Weber and Carol Anne Cypherpunk found the
same patterns repeated time and again in their investiga-
tions of CypherPunks MeatSpace Ident Histories.
  Records, Information and Data-- such as birth
certificates, school records, credit and employment
histories-- were not only 'existant', but were inevitably
'consistent' with claims made in posts to the CPUNKS
mailing list, in regard to the MeatSpace Ident Histories
behind the Digital Personas.
  However, once The Girls(Maybe) had begun
researching the Human Historical Records of the MeatSpace
Ident Histories--speaking to alleged friends, family,
coworkers, and the like--the paper Trails quickly
unravelled, and the Physical Ident Histories of ALL of
the male subscribers to the CypherPunks Disturbed Male
LISP were, in the end, traceable 'only' back to the Home...

<EOF>