From: HyperReal-Anon <nobody@sind.hyperreal.art.pl>
Date: Thu, 3 Dec 1998 14:39:19 +0800
To: cypherpunks@cyberpass.net
Subject: Fun at US Customs
Message-ID: <e941ee016b37d072bfaf447a99a99c23@anonymous>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain



>Las Vegas police officer Rich Cashton said a Customs inspector who
>stopped him at Los Angeles International Airport last year grew angry
>when Cashton asked what would happen if he refused an X-ray.
>
>``He said, 'If you don't sign this form, I'm going to take you down to
>the hospital and pump your stomach,'' Cashton recalled. ``He was using
>that threat as intimidation to make me sign a consent form, which is
>definitely illegal.''
>
>Cashton, who identified himself as a police officer, was let go.

"Sir, we'll have to ask you to come with us."

"What is the problem, officer?"

"We have reason to believe that you are bringing contraband into this 
country. Please remove your clothing and bend over."

"Comrade, surely you must be mistaken! I am a loyal citizen!"

"Remove your clothing and bend over or we'll do it for you, Libertarian
scum."

"Libertarian? You are mistaken, comrade! I am a loyal citizen! I am a
card-carrying party member!" *shows card*

"That's fine, Officer Cashton, if that is your real name, but how can
we be sure that you are who you claim to be?"

"My biometrics, of course, comrade!" *he's scanned*

"Sorry for the mixup, Comrade Cashton. We're about to go find some 
pretty young 15 year old girls to strip search and do body cavity
searches on, then temporarily plug their body cavities so that they
do not use them in indecent ways or for smuggling contraband."

"Comrade, whatever do you mean?"

"Are you sure you're a fellow jack booted thug? Do you have your manual?
You must have your manual at all times! Fine. You may borrow mine, 
comrade. Read the section titled 'Rape of the Citizenry'."

"Ah, I understand now, comrade. I was not aware that such actions were
permitted. Let's go."

***Fifteen minutes later***

Young woman 1: (crying) "What have we done, officers? I am loyal!"

Young woman 2: (sobs incoherently)

Customs Officer: "You are suspected of smuggling contraband into this
country! You are traitors!"

Young woman 1: "My sister and I most certaintly are NOT traitors!"

Customs Officer: "Then prove it. Remove your clothing and submit to
a body cavity search. Officer Cashton? Take your pick."

*searches are performed*

Customs Officer: "Now, ladies, we have concerns that you may attempt
to smuggle contraband out after the body cavity search is performed."

Young woman 2: (sobs incoherently)

Young woman 1: (crying louder) "But there is no contraband here!
How can we smuggle it out?"

Officer Cashton: (removing a bag of cocaine from his pocket and 
throwing it at the women) "Yes there is."

Customs Officer: "Ah, I see you are a quick study, Comrade Cashton!
Now ladies, just to make sure you don't smuggle anything out in your 
body cavities, we've invited the ground crew here to fill them and 
lead you naked in chains to your flight after they tire of your
company."

Officer Cashton and Customs Officer together: (giving a Nazi-style 
salute) "Heil Klinton! Heil Reno! Heil Freeh!"

......

StatistMonger