From: JNN <jnn@dev.null>
Date: Sun, 16 Nov 1997 07:05:12 +0800
To: cypherpunks@cyberpass.net
Subject: News Extra: Return of the Vulis brings Peace to CypherPunks List!!!
In-Reply-To: <40V8Fe23w165w@bwalk.dm.com>
Message-ID: <346E28D9.2A26@dev.null>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain



[JAPANESE NUTLY NEWS: Soyabeanfeit,Japan] CHIEF CYPLEPUNKS SPOKESPELSON
Nonookie Masturbatshi told reportwhores gathered at the Nucrear Sulvivol
Sushi Bar & Grill that CypherPunks everywhere were happy over the
return of Dr. Dimitri Vulis, KOTM, to the CypherPunks Distributed List,
apparently once again in his usual fighting form.

> I've consulted for lots of weird people, from Baha'i to Serbs to Black
> Panthers, but I'd be reluctant to knowingly work for any Japs because Japs are
> onboxious and dishonest and I don't like them. I used to work with a guy who
> did a lot of work for AUM, who I think did a good job, but should have gassed
> many more Japs. I'm further convinced that Japs are shit by their postings to
> this list. It's such a pity the Jap cowards capitulated before Truman had a
> chance to drop a few dozen more nukes on them! We also shoud have used poison
> gas on them, just like they used it on Chinese civilians. We also should have
> executed all of their POWs, just like they tortured to death most of European
> POWs. The Japs got off way too easy for their crimes in WW2. Why wasn't your
> silly little Emperor Hirohito (spit) hanged with the other war criminals? Now
> the Japs are hoarding up all the available plutonium, obviously preparing to
> nuke China and other neighbors (and possibly U.S.) in a likely future war.

  "Everyone familiar with group dynamics recognizes that when a list
member leaves, or is absent for a period of time, that it is up to the
other members of the group to help pick up the slack." Joichi Ito told
reporterwhores, in amazingly good English, as the rest of the Japanese
CypherPunks looked at each other and shrugged.
  "It has been difficult, with Dimitri laying low, to keep up the level
of racist ranting that is expected by list subscribers, but fortunately,
other list members have stepped into the void and performed remarkably
well in his absence. Including myself..." Joichi added, stretching his
eyelids out to form wide, round circles, as the other CypherPunks hooted
loudly and banged Saki bottles on the floor, shouting "Foleign Devirs!"

  As Jun Yoshitake farted 'Misty' for the gathered band of protruding
nails, the only black member of the cypherpunks-e mailing list, Nobuki
Nakatuji, from Athens, Georgia, opened the gift he had brought as a
peace offering from their American counterparts.
  There were a lot of angeled and angered eyebrows raised when the
gift turned out to be a microwave oven from a company in New Mexico,
but the frowns quickly turned to smiles when Joichi Ito presented
Nobuki with a gift to take back to the American CypherPunks--a small
model of the U.S.S. Arizona, carved out of volcanic rock and resting
at the bottom of a small fish tank.
  "OUBAKAYAROU!!" shouted Jun Yoshitake, leaping up and handing an
invoice for $50.00 from Mitsubishi to Tim C. May, for the 'gift'.

  Once again, there were many hoots and the banging of Saki bottles
by the gathered Japanese crypto-munitions experts.
  After the ceremonial gifts had been exchanged, the group shared
dinner and many more drinks, expressing regret that their good
fortune in Dimitri's return bringing a wider range of racism back
to the list would be at the expense of others, such as the murdering
Armenian bastard, Ray Arachelian.
  There was also a discussion about the problems surrounding the
current implementation of the Misty algorithm. Some felt that Peter
Trei had purposely given them the wrong value for 5 + 7, but others
pointed out that he may have merely been too hasty in trusting the
answer sent by TruthMonger in reply to Trei's question to the list.

  TluthMongler, keeping his back to the wall in case the others
tried to kill and eat him, announced that Dimitri had been added to
the Nuclear Alley "don't hire list."
  Everyone at the meeting soon began nodding out from overdoing the
festivities, mumbling things like, "Miclowave Tokoyo," or stumbling
off to the toilet saying, "I go make smarr Timmy Mayonnaises..chop,
chop--hee, hee."

----------------------------------------------------------------------
  This message here that you read cleated undel the auspices of the 
  Japanese Chaptel of the Erectlonic Folgely Foundation. If you lead,
  you send fify dorrals, OK? (Onry lound-eyes have to pay...and also
  Chinamen...chop, chop.) You not pay, you go nuke youlserf, OK?
----------------------------------------------------------------------